Friday, June 29, 2012

Alexa- First written on your eighth birthday, printed for you on your fourteenth.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I was scared to death.

I was afraid I wouldnt be a good mom, I was too young.

I had all of these fears, until I ended up in the emergency room because I was in danger of miscarrying.

When we realized you would stay with us, and my prayers fervently spoken were answered- all of my fears were quieted. To me, children are a gift, and they arent really ours, they are given to us to shape and mold, and borrow for a few years. The day my daughter was born, I fell in love, forever.

Dear Daughter, I am watching you grow and it is bittersweet.

When you were born and I brought you home, I cried, because I had never known such beauty and love for a person.

I asked myself, how will I EVER love another child as much as I love her?

The love I felt from you and for you when you arrived, opened my soul to the knowledge of unconditional love.

You made my world more complete.
You bring joy and wonder every day to my existence.
My heart still swells with love for you, every day.

I miss you when you are not here with me, and I think of you all of the time. You are interesting, funny, fun, full of joy, full of verve and life.

You have wisdom that makes me wonder, and bring laughter into my shadows. Words cannot express the love I feel for you...the life you have given me when you came into my life.

I do not live through you, but I revel in the life you are living, because I am able to be a part of it.

I fear for you in this world and I want to shelter you and give you the world without hurt, and danger.
I know I cannot, because it will cheat you and leave you unprepared for the real world.
I will always love you, my child, no matter what you do. You will always be MY baby, no matter how old you get.
When you hurt, I hurt, when you feel joy, I feel joy.
The choices I have made for you, I do not regret.
Because the day you were born, I knew it was my job to put you first for a while.

You are my legacy, flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood.

I am hoping I am helping you learn to walk on your own in what is now becoming more and more your life, and not OUR life.

You make me want more children, and baby, if our lives were different, I would give you the many brothers and sisters you desperately crave(when I first wrote this, we didn't know it would ever happen again, it looks like now, 6 years later, you will have a baby brother).

The life we have while your Daddy is in the Army is sometimes too hard for children, families and Mommies and Daddies, and I am so glad that you are made of the stuff I am.

You are a little soldier, and carry on with every move.

I know it is hard to make friends and lose them.
I know it is hard to move from a place you love into the unfamiliar.
I know it is hard not to have sibling to relate to, or hate us with when you are angry, or pick on when you are feeling mischievious, or love when you need companionship, or blame things on when there is trouble.
I hope that I can change that for you one day.

I will do my best to protect you from evil, and I would give my life for you.

I love being your mother, and I am grateful for your presence each and every day. You make my life more wonderful than I could ever know otherwise. I love you so very much. Thank you for coming into my life.

I will celebrate this day for you every year I am alive.

Happy Birthday. ~ mom

No comments: